Posts
Hello friends. It's been a while since I have written as I swore off online dating a few months ago. Please note I swore off ONLINE dating, not all DATING... which I am about to swear off as well because men are fucking awful (I will explain why in another post).
I figured since I was having such shit luck meeting decent men via online dating (sites and apps) that it just must be that only shitty guys use these apps, and that if I meet men the old fashioned way (like through people I know or just randomly in person) then I will meet better quality men. I was really fucking wrong. Big time.
Through the last 6 1/2 years of being single I have had many outrageous stories, which I have all written about in this blog for your entertainment. This story I am about to share literally tops every fucking crazy story I have ever had in my entire life. I didn't think it was possible to do, but I have succeeded.
Picture it, June 24 12:40am in Downtown LA at 7th and Olive. My friend and I were Downtown having dinner and doing a little bar hopping and people watching. We leave the bar to head home, I call a Lyft, and it happens to park across the street behind a firetruck. I immediately notice the firetruck and get excited because I have always been turned on by men in uniform (firemen, cops, military guys, you name it). I see the truck and literally say "oooh firemen." We cross the street, and some spirit from another realm must have possessed my body because the following is too crazy even for me. I'm strutting across the street, a fireman is walking out of the 7-Eleven that had called the fire department, I lock eyes with the guy, I blurt out "Oh I need help" he says "What do you need?" my friend says "She needs a man!" and then he tells me to take his number, but I was so stunned I hand him my cellphone, he puts his number in my phone, and then gets into the firetruck.
My friend and I were dying and we were like "WTF just happened!?" This entire exchange happened in like 15 seconds tops. We head home, I'm freaking out because I just got a phone number of a fireman which was on my list of uniformed men I need to date (I had already gone out with a cop and every branch of the military, so fireman was the last on the list). I text him so he has my number, he asks if I have a boyfriend, I say no, then he asks me on a date.
The evening of our date he tells me to come Downtown and he'll give me a tour of the station he works at (Station 9 by the way, and FUCK THOSE GUYS- you'll understand why shortly). So we go to this pizza place, eat some food, then walk to the station and he must have told the guys we were coming because as we approach the station all the firemen were standing outside waiting for us, and I was dying inside because I couldn't flirt with any of them because I was on a date. They all shook my hand and introduced themselves to me, and I just kept thinking to myself try not to flirt, behave. But it was really like something out of my fantasy. So the guys get a call and get in the truck and leave, and my date gives me a full tour of the station (I even saw the ginormous boxes of Frosted Flakes they had in their pantry). We go to a nearby bar and he tells me all about how he got into firefighting, and how long he's been doing it, and how he loves it, and how when he was younger everyone told him he wouldn't be able to be a firefighter because he had epilepsy. That was red flag #1. How the fuck can you have epilepsy and be a fireman? That makes no sense, but what the fuck do I know? He explained that he just can't drive the firetruck, and therefore he made significantly less money than the other firemen- red flag #2, he had no fucking money which didn't make sense to me. I decide to disregard these 2 red flags and just focus on the fact that he worked really hard to pursue a passion that he really loved, that helps other people.
The crazy began to show after that date, because immediately he was in love with me (who wouldn't be though, can't blame him- jk). I just figured he had been single a long time and was just overly enthusiastic to meet such an amazing woman. I told him to keep his feelings in check, slow the fuck down, and that I want to get to know him but he needs to not share every fucking emotion or thought that came to his head (he was ridiculous). We dated for 3 weeks, and most of the time he acted normal, but sometimes I got weird vibes- but I kept telling myself "the fire department screens these guys, and they must be evaluated, so he can't be crazy." That was my rationalization.
Here's where shit went downhill really fast. He invited me to opening day at Del Mar, where they race horses. He said it was a firefighter outing and he wanted me to be his date. I said ok, but are the other guys bringing dates? Because as much as I would love to be around hot firemen, if they aren't bringing dates that'll be weird. He told me anyone could bring anyone. I said fine I'll go. I drove us down there and the first weird thing was that all the firemen coordinated to take the train down from LA, and I was thinking why didn't he go with them? The second weird thing was that they all coordinated their outfits, and all had Hawaiian shirts on, and again I thought "hmmm weird why does it seem like he isn't a part of their thing?" Again, all the firemen introduce themselves to me, some of them I had already met at the station, and nothing seemed out of the ordinary in terms of how they treated the guy I was with. Here's where it started getting awful. The guy I was with kept asking the other firemen to buy him a beer anytime they went to the bar, because he had no fucking money. I was thinking "why doesn't this broke ass have a credit card?" The guys kept buying him beer throughout the day and he just got drunk. I told him before the firemen met us down there that I didn't want him getting drunk because he called me drunk one time (red flag #4) and was crazy AF on the phone and I yelled at him and told him never to do that again. He said he wouldn't. Red flag #5 he got drunk down at Del Mar. The drunker this fucker got the more annoying he got, and the less he made sense. Like he started referring to me as his wife, and I yelled at him and said I am not your fucking wife stop telling people that. He also got territorial if another man asked me to take a photo for him and his friends. He also kept repeating himself over and over, but said stupid shit like "are you my girlfriend?" and asked that literally 10 times in a row and I nearly punched him.
The firemen all left after the 8th race, and didn't really say a formal goodbye, which I thought was odd because these guys were "his family" according to him. By the 10th race I was ready to murder my date and so I said let's go I just want to get back to LA and get away from you. He starts calling me a bitch, and I told him he was an obnoxious drunken asshole. He wouldn't shut the fuck up the entire 2 hour drive back to LA, and kept saying "just pull over and leave me here, I can find my way back I'm a fireman." I was so close to doing just that. I wanted to push him out of my car on the freeway, that is how annoying he was. The entire drive he kept asking if I was still his girlfriend, if I would still go to a concert with him.... like he was a fucking child. I said, when we get to my place you need to go because I don't want to be around you.
We get to my place, I said you need to go, he says "I can't, can I sleep on the couch?" I said no way, I want you gone, I don't want to be around you. He refused to leave. I said "why can't you leave?" He just stared at me, dumbfounded. I said "is it because you're wasted?" and he said yes. I said "well why don't you call one of the firemen, they'll come get you." He said he couldn't, I asked why. He said "because they aren't really my friends." I was like "WTF does that even mean???" I didn't care to get into it, so I said there's a cafe down the street, go get some coffee and sober up then leave. He said he couldn't because he didn't have any money. I throw $10 at him and said get the fuck out of here. He wouldn't take my money and got mad at me and still wouldn't budge. So then I threatened to call the cops. That did it. He walks out my door, he had a pair of shoes left inside my place, I put them in a bag, hand them to him and then he fucking throws them at me. PSYCHO. So I slam the door on him.
At this point I am freaked the fuck out. I call my friends, meanwhile he's calling and calling my phone. He leaves a message telling me to go screw myself, like he's 13 years old. Next day he texts me telling me I was a one hit wonder in his life and that I was out of his league- that was a fucking understatement. I figured the entire ordeal was over and that was that. If he tried anything I'd call the station he worked at and get his ass in trouble.
THAT WASN'T EVEN THE CRAZY PART OF THE STORY.....
A month later I go home, and there's a business card in my door from an investigator from the LA Fire Department, Professional Standards Division. On the card was written "CALL ME." I thought, what fuckery is this???? At first I didn't think the card was real because it looked cheap and janky AF, like someone printed that shit at home from their cheap ass printer. I emailed the guy and told him I didn't think it was real, he finally sends me a copy of his ID/badge and so I call him. He told me that the guy I was with at Del Mar told him I was there that day, I was like yes why? He said that the guy I was with is accusing the firemen of assaulting him down at Del Mar. I was like "WTF????? NO FUCKING WAY" There was no way that happened, and I know this because I was there. So automatically I'm like omg what a psycho. Then he tells me "I have to tell you, he wasn't a fireman, he is a groupie" I was like "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????? I met this man on a fucking call with the fire department, at 1am and he was dressed up in the firefighter gear. He gave me a tour of the station, I met the firemen there, nobody said shit to me. How is he not a fireman??" I have fucking photos of this guy IN FIREFIGHTER ATTIRE. He talked nonstop about all the crazy shit he's seen and done as a fireman. Like I didn't understand how that was even fucking feasible. He told me the fire department adopted him "like a puppy" and he just hangs around the stations and goes on non-emergency calls. I said "he is impersonating a fucking fireman and I'm fairly sure that is fucking illegal." The topper was that the investigator told me "this man is mentally unstable and if you see him call 911." Gee thanks.
So not only did I have to go and give a statement disputing this nut job's claim that he was assaulted by REAL firemen, I then filed a complaint against the fire station for allowing a mentally unstable man impersonate an official and for not fucking telling me HE WAS NOT A FIREMAN!!! I mean for fuck sake, were they trying to be the ultimate wingmen for this crazy guy??? I felt so disgusted, and lied to, and creeped out. Aside from that, I felt stupid and embarrassed- like it was a joke to them to watch this beautiful, successful woman hang around with this crazy loser. And in hind sight, if this is someone I need to call 911 about if he comes near me, then I feel like I could've been in danger (after all he did get aggressive toward me the last time I saw him when he was drunk).
You are supposed to be able to trust these men in uniform. It was very unethical of them to withhold information like that from me. I met the fucking captain of that station, he should've at least pulled me aside and gave me a heads up about him. I WOULD HAVE RAN AWAY THAT MOMENT. I will pursue this complaint to the furthest extent possible and I will make damn sure this never happens to anyone else and that crazy assholes are not being allowed to hang around fire departments or any emergency service, pretending to be an official. That is some fucked up shit.
Last week that nut job came around to my apartment, trying to get buzzed in because he wanted to "talk to me" (or murder me, who knows). So I called the police on him and his photo is posted at the front gate of my building so everyone knows not to let this nut job come in and to call the police if he shows his creepy face.
So yeah.... I am done dating.
