I should've known better than to accept to be set up by well-meaning sister. The first time I was set up by her I was 23 years old. She set me up with the security guard at her office building- he was 22. She was like "oh he's cute, he's blonde- you like blondes, he's funny, you'll have fun." So I think "Sure! Why not?" Well this kid picks me up in his crappy old mini van and we go to Universal Citywalk. We had a fun time hanging out, and when he dropped me off at home I figured I would be bold and give him a good night kiss. It was literally the most awkward kiss I had ever experienced in my life. He kissed like a fish! From then on I named him Fish Lips. I was like "Why does he kiss like a fish?" I will never forget what he said to me... "This is my first kiss." No fucking way!!! That explained everything. How did he go 22 years without kissing a girl? It was such a turn off I never saw him again. I know that sounds harsh, but I did not want to be the kissing teacher to this kid. Blech!
Fast forward 7 years and I decide again to let my sister set me up with yet another co-worker. This time she literally went around her office asking people "Do you know anyone nice and single to set up with my sister? She has a good job." Well she found someone, he just looked and acted like a 13 year old boy who was really into Metallica. She said "Oh he's so nice and funny, and he has really nice long hair." Well there is 0 part of me that likes a guy with hair longer than mine, but I thought to myself "Self, give him a try, you can always cut his hair off later." So I agreed to meet up with him for a drink one night after work. We met up at Buffalo Wild Wings in Hollywood, red flag #1- don't ask me out to a shitty chain bar. When I saw him he literally looked like a grungy teenage boy, red flag #2. His first words to me were "Sorry if I seem buzzed, I saw some of my friends at the bar and had a shot with them," red flag #3. We sit down, I order my drink and he orders his 2nd beer, red flag #4, and we begin to chit chat, red flag #5 was that this fool would not look me in the eyes while we conversed. He literally looked past my head. For a minute I thought he was blind and that's why he wasn't making eye contact. Nope! He's just totally awkward and terrible at making conversation. It was really painful talking to him. While we were talking his friends came up to us and interrupted our conversation, red flag #6. It was an overall painful experience. We had absolutely nothing in common, he didn't seem that funny- which my sister claimed he was, and when the bill came I had to pay for my own damn drink- big red flag #7. I practically ran out of there when we were done. I never spoke to him again after that and I REFUSE to be set up by my sister ever again (unless she's setting me up with Ryan Gosling or Joseph Gordon Levitt).
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Monday, February 25, 2013
Monday, February 11, 2013
Men I Wish Could be Bachelors...
There are so many men I wish I could add to my list of Bachelors. Here is a sample of my list (only because so many ladies ask)...
1) Robert Pattinson- Did I ever mention that I've met Mr. Pattinson? Tis true. It was the AMC Emmy after party circa 2010. Mad Men was at it's peak and the entire cast was at the party. It was at SoHo House and as soon as I walked in I said "This party would only be better if Robert Pattinson were here." I was just joking because never in my life did I think it would happen. At 1am my friend ran up to me and said "You will never believe who just walked in- ROBERT PATTINSON" I thought "The dear Lord has brought him to me because I've had such a shitty week!" I was so shy and didn't have the nerve to come up to him. So my friend walked up to him and asked if I could come say hi because I was such a big fan. He waved me over and I shook his hand and said "Hello, I am such a huge fan meeting you has made my day, no it's made my LIFE." His skin was so soft and he had the smile of an angel. He was so nice and just indulged me, it was literally the greatest experience of my life. It is because of his gracious behavior and my true and undying love for him that he deserves the slot of Bachelor #1.
2) Ryan Gosling- I have been in love with Mr. Gosling since The Notebook. I cannot watch that movie without bursting into tears. He is gorgeous, but he is also so dreamy in every role that he plays. From the guy in "Drive" to the playboy in "Crazy, Stupid, Love". Yummo!
3) Ryan Reynolds- Yeah he's married.... but he's been married once before so lets see how long this one lasts.
4) Bradley Cooper- Seeing him in Silver Linings Playbook made me officially fall in love with him. Good lord!
That's kind if it for now to be honest. I'm sure I have had many a crush on other male celebrities, but these 4 really are it for me.
1) Robert Pattinson- Did I ever mention that I've met Mr. Pattinson? Tis true. It was the AMC Emmy after party circa 2010. Mad Men was at it's peak and the entire cast was at the party. It was at SoHo House and as soon as I walked in I said "This party would only be better if Robert Pattinson were here." I was just joking because never in my life did I think it would happen. At 1am my friend ran up to me and said "You will never believe who just walked in- ROBERT PATTINSON" I thought "The dear Lord has brought him to me because I've had such a shitty week!" I was so shy and didn't have the nerve to come up to him. So my friend walked up to him and asked if I could come say hi because I was such a big fan. He waved me over and I shook his hand and said "Hello, I am such a huge fan meeting you has made my day, no it's made my LIFE." His skin was so soft and he had the smile of an angel. He was so nice and just indulged me, it was literally the greatest experience of my life. It is because of his gracious behavior and my true and undying love for him that he deserves the slot of Bachelor #1.
2) Ryan Gosling- I have been in love with Mr. Gosling since The Notebook. I cannot watch that movie without bursting into tears. He is gorgeous, but he is also so dreamy in every role that he plays. From the guy in "Drive" to the playboy in "Crazy, Stupid, Love". Yummo!
3) Ryan Reynolds- Yeah he's married.... but he's been married once before so lets see how long this one lasts.
4) Bradley Cooper- Seeing him in Silver Linings Playbook made me officially fall in love with him. Good lord!
That's kind if it for now to be honest. I'm sure I have had many a crush on other male celebrities, but these 4 really are it for me.
Bachelors #9-10- Eh...
Bachelors 9 and 10 aren't very interesting and don't warrant their own blogs really.
Bachelor #9 was your average joe, lived in the South Bay and worked in IT. He was from Vegas originally which I think grabbed my interest. We met up at Santa Monica 3rd St Promenade for Taco Tuesday. Actually, we met up just to get coffee, and we were having such a nice time walking around and chatting that he asked me if I had eaten, and that is why we went to get tacos. But literally nothing happened after we had tacos. Never saw him again. The end.
Bachelor #10 was a nice Jewish boy, originally from Israel (he was actually in the Israeli army which I thought was hot). We met up for a drink one night, and again, after that nothing. Never saw him again.
Like I said... #9 and 10 are very boring.
Bachelor #9 was your average joe, lived in the South Bay and worked in IT. He was from Vegas originally which I think grabbed my interest. We met up at Santa Monica 3rd St Promenade for Taco Tuesday. Actually, we met up just to get coffee, and we were having such a nice time walking around and chatting that he asked me if I had eaten, and that is why we went to get tacos. But literally nothing happened after we had tacos. Never saw him again. The end.
Bachelor #10 was a nice Jewish boy, originally from Israel (he was actually in the Israeli army which I thought was hot). We met up for a drink one night, and again, after that nothing. Never saw him again.
Like I said... #9 and 10 are very boring.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Bachelor #8- Meow Mix
Bachelor #8 is an interesting tale. Everything started off normally and got progressively bizarre. He was a good looking man, talk, dark, handsome, had been in the Marines, grew up in my hometown, went to UCLA and worked as a security guard for the SBE group. He was also really into cross-fit and had a smok'n body.
Our first date consisted of hiking. Normally I would never agree to a first date in which I could possible perspire profusely in front of a guy, but this time I thought to myself "Self- give it a go! Don't be afraid to do something different." I also thought to myself "Self- be careful that he doesn't try and kill you and throw your body into a ditch."
It was a fun hike, despite the fact that it was hotter than hell, I was huffing and puffing up the hill and I was sweaty. Bachelor #8 had some fun stories to share and I was entertained. After the hike we said goodbye, he said next time we could do something I picked, and that was that. I honestly didn't anticipate seeing or hearing from him again.
A week later to my surprise he asked me out to a movie. We saw Argo, which is a GREAT movie and everyone should go see it. Movie dates are always weird though because you're just sitting there in the dark for a few hours, and it's really hard to get to know one another when you aren't allowed to talk. After the movie he walked me to my car, stopped, and asked if I wanted to grab a drink. A little late to be asking if I wanted to get a drink, but I said yes anyway. So we went to Barneys Beanery and we chatted for a while (mostly about fitness- which was kind of boring but I was trying to seem interested).
That week Bachelor #8 called me multiple times (once again, rare behavior in modern men but always very appreciated). Soon after the movies he asked me out again to dinner. We went out again, and again, and again. Sometimes we would get a drink, many times he would come over and we would watch some Netflix. In total we had 12 dates- a new personal best since I've begun dating. And throughout these 12 dates I maintained complete control and acted like a proper lady. In fact, after one date when he started to get what I call "wandering hands" I told him that I was a proper lady and smacked his hand away. Part of me thought he had taken this very literally because after that he didn't try anything (which was fine). But by the 12th date I was beginning to wonder "What the hell is up with this guy?" Everyone convinced me that he was probably respecting what I said about being a proper lady, and that he was most likely waiting for me to give him a green light. So it was settled... I must make a move!
One night Bachelor 8 came over, and per usual, we began watching some Netflix. I was trying to set a romantic mood by turning on the Christmas lights and busting out some wine. Well I was the only one drinking the wine, and he was full on ignoring me and watching The Wonder Years. I had enough! I turned off the TV and threw the remote across the room and said to him "We can stop trying to out-virtue each other now!" He just stared at me. I promptly began ranting, as I have been known to do, and kept asking "What do you want from me? I just don't understand what you want! What would you do if I didn't have a Netflix subscription. Most men just want sex, but YOU! YOU don't want anything!"
The rest of my ranting is a bit of a blur, but I recall him picking me up and throwing me on my couch and pulling apart my legs and asking "Is this how you want me to act?" Well in my mind the answer was yes, because up until now he had been so damn boring! But I just stared at him. Well to sum up this night I can just say that I made a huge ass of myself because everyone encouraged me to bust a move. I had never been rejected before and boy did it sting!
After that I never imagined I would hear from him again since I had basically thrown myself at him. But sure enough that night he sent me a text asking how my day was, like nothing had happened the night before. This confused me even more! After this he disappeared for a week, later telling me he was up in the SF. The night before Christmas Eve he stopped by after work because he had something to tell me in person. He came over, I made some coffee, we sat down and he began giving me a foot rub. He then proceeded to tell me he had been accepted to Stanford and was moving in a month and that nothing physical had happened between us because he wanted to figure out his situation and he wanted to give me all of the information so I could decide for myself what I wanted. Now in theory this sounds very considerate, but come on! You're telling me all this the night before Christmas? Thanks for ruining my most favorite holiday asshole! So I told him "Well, I guess we're done. You should just go now." He was like "Really? You're kicking me out?" I said "Yes, you're leaving so that's it." He was like "But I'm not leaving for a month, I don't see how this changes things between us. We can still see each other." I said "I am 30 years old, I am not doing a long distance relationship. Maybe if we had been dating for a year I would want to make this work, but we just met." He kept pushing to keep things as is, I kept saying to take a hike. But he wasn't giving up. This was the moment where he decided he was going to try and bust a move. I, however, was not having it and I said "You can for sure bet that I am so not sleeping with you now!"
After an hour of back and forth of "I want to see you still" "We're done" he finally left, but we had made plans to go drive around and look at Christmas lights after I was done at my parents house. My friends all said "Hey give it a chance, you never know it might work out." So I thought to myself "Self- let's just keep an open mind and open heart, you care about him so give it a go." Well that night I was stood up. After I was done with my Christmas Eve dinner I went home and was waiting for Bachelor 8. I kept texting, I tried calling, but nothing. A few hours later he finally told me he had been called into work. Boy was I PISSED! Here I was sitting around like an asshole on Christmas Eve waiting for a guy who was never going to show and didn't have the decency to take 2 seconds to send me a text letting me know. He officially ruined my Christmas.
However, in the spirit of Christmas my dumb ass was trying to find it within myself to forgive him. So I sent him a text saying that I was sorry I had overracted the night he told me he got into Stanford, that I cared about him and was willing to give it a try. You know what I got in response to this text the next day? Meow. Yup, he texted me Meow. Like a fucking cat. I said "What does that mean?" He said "It's cat for hello." What the fuck??? Here I express myself to him and all he can say to me is Meow?? That doesn't even make sense!
A few days later I was hanging out with my friend and her adorable baby and he sent me a text saying he didn't have to work that night and asked if I wanted to go eat. I said ok but I'm at my friends can we go at 8:30? He was like "Well I'm hungry now, lets just grab a drink after." And I was like "Really? You can't wait 30 minutes?" After that I was so fed up, in my mind I knew I was done with him, so I gave him a piece of my mind. I said "I open up to you, I tell you how I feel and the only response I can get from you is Meow, like a fucking cat. I try to talk to you and you can never be serious, you just Meow at me." His response? You guessed it! "Meow" I was stunned! Clearly there was something wrong with him! So I said "I don't appreciate you giving me the runaround. Stop wasting my time and don't contact me again." This dumb mother fucker said "I'm not giving you the runaround and I'm pretty certain I've done absolutely nothing wrong." I didn't even respond to him. Clearly he is dumb and delusional.
I should've known he might have had a thing for cats, after all, he did own a pair of pink Hello Kitty pajama pants. Yup.... MEOW!
Our first date consisted of hiking. Normally I would never agree to a first date in which I could possible perspire profusely in front of a guy, but this time I thought to myself "Self- give it a go! Don't be afraid to do something different." I also thought to myself "Self- be careful that he doesn't try and kill you and throw your body into a ditch."
It was a fun hike, despite the fact that it was hotter than hell, I was huffing and puffing up the hill and I was sweaty. Bachelor #8 had some fun stories to share and I was entertained. After the hike we said goodbye, he said next time we could do something I picked, and that was that. I honestly didn't anticipate seeing or hearing from him again.
A week later to my surprise he asked me out to a movie. We saw Argo, which is a GREAT movie and everyone should go see it. Movie dates are always weird though because you're just sitting there in the dark for a few hours, and it's really hard to get to know one another when you aren't allowed to talk. After the movie he walked me to my car, stopped, and asked if I wanted to grab a drink. A little late to be asking if I wanted to get a drink, but I said yes anyway. So we went to Barneys Beanery and we chatted for a while (mostly about fitness- which was kind of boring but I was trying to seem interested).
That week Bachelor #8 called me multiple times (once again, rare behavior in modern men but always very appreciated). Soon after the movies he asked me out again to dinner. We went out again, and again, and again. Sometimes we would get a drink, many times he would come over and we would watch some Netflix. In total we had 12 dates- a new personal best since I've begun dating. And throughout these 12 dates I maintained complete control and acted like a proper lady. In fact, after one date when he started to get what I call "wandering hands" I told him that I was a proper lady and smacked his hand away. Part of me thought he had taken this very literally because after that he didn't try anything (which was fine). But by the 12th date I was beginning to wonder "What the hell is up with this guy?" Everyone convinced me that he was probably respecting what I said about being a proper lady, and that he was most likely waiting for me to give him a green light. So it was settled... I must make a move!
One night Bachelor 8 came over, and per usual, we began watching some Netflix. I was trying to set a romantic mood by turning on the Christmas lights and busting out some wine. Well I was the only one drinking the wine, and he was full on ignoring me and watching The Wonder Years. I had enough! I turned off the TV and threw the remote across the room and said to him "We can stop trying to out-virtue each other now!" He just stared at me. I promptly began ranting, as I have been known to do, and kept asking "What do you want from me? I just don't understand what you want! What would you do if I didn't have a Netflix subscription. Most men just want sex, but YOU! YOU don't want anything!"
The rest of my ranting is a bit of a blur, but I recall him picking me up and throwing me on my couch and pulling apart my legs and asking "Is this how you want me to act?" Well in my mind the answer was yes, because up until now he had been so damn boring! But I just stared at him. Well to sum up this night I can just say that I made a huge ass of myself because everyone encouraged me to bust a move. I had never been rejected before and boy did it sting!
After that I never imagined I would hear from him again since I had basically thrown myself at him. But sure enough that night he sent me a text asking how my day was, like nothing had happened the night before. This confused me even more! After this he disappeared for a week, later telling me he was up in the SF. The night before Christmas Eve he stopped by after work because he had something to tell me in person. He came over, I made some coffee, we sat down and he began giving me a foot rub. He then proceeded to tell me he had been accepted to Stanford and was moving in a month and that nothing physical had happened between us because he wanted to figure out his situation and he wanted to give me all of the information so I could decide for myself what I wanted. Now in theory this sounds very considerate, but come on! You're telling me all this the night before Christmas? Thanks for ruining my most favorite holiday asshole! So I told him "Well, I guess we're done. You should just go now." He was like "Really? You're kicking me out?" I said "Yes, you're leaving so that's it." He was like "But I'm not leaving for a month, I don't see how this changes things between us. We can still see each other." I said "I am 30 years old, I am not doing a long distance relationship. Maybe if we had been dating for a year I would want to make this work, but we just met." He kept pushing to keep things as is, I kept saying to take a hike. But he wasn't giving up. This was the moment where he decided he was going to try and bust a move. I, however, was not having it and I said "You can for sure bet that I am so not sleeping with you now!"
After an hour of back and forth of "I want to see you still" "We're done" he finally left, but we had made plans to go drive around and look at Christmas lights after I was done at my parents house. My friends all said "Hey give it a chance, you never know it might work out." So I thought to myself "Self- let's just keep an open mind and open heart, you care about him so give it a go." Well that night I was stood up. After I was done with my Christmas Eve dinner I went home and was waiting for Bachelor 8. I kept texting, I tried calling, but nothing. A few hours later he finally told me he had been called into work. Boy was I PISSED! Here I was sitting around like an asshole on Christmas Eve waiting for a guy who was never going to show and didn't have the decency to take 2 seconds to send me a text letting me know. He officially ruined my Christmas.
However, in the spirit of Christmas my dumb ass was trying to find it within myself to forgive him. So I sent him a text saying that I was sorry I had overracted the night he told me he got into Stanford, that I cared about him and was willing to give it a try. You know what I got in response to this text the next day? Meow. Yup, he texted me Meow. Like a fucking cat. I said "What does that mean?" He said "It's cat for hello." What the fuck??? Here I express myself to him and all he can say to me is Meow?? That doesn't even make sense!
A few days later I was hanging out with my friend and her adorable baby and he sent me a text saying he didn't have to work that night and asked if I wanted to go eat. I said ok but I'm at my friends can we go at 8:30? He was like "Well I'm hungry now, lets just grab a drink after." And I was like "Really? You can't wait 30 minutes?" After that I was so fed up, in my mind I knew I was done with him, so I gave him a piece of my mind. I said "I open up to you, I tell you how I feel and the only response I can get from you is Meow, like a fucking cat. I try to talk to you and you can never be serious, you just Meow at me." His response? You guessed it! "Meow" I was stunned! Clearly there was something wrong with him! So I said "I don't appreciate you giving me the runaround. Stop wasting my time and don't contact me again." This dumb mother fucker said "I'm not giving you the runaround and I'm pretty certain I've done absolutely nothing wrong." I didn't even respond to him. Clearly he is dumb and delusional.
I should've known he might have had a thing for cats, after all, he did own a pair of pink Hello Kitty pajama pants. Yup.... MEOW!
Friday, February 8, 2013
A Little Side Note...
By now many of you might be thinking "Damn girl you get around," or "If you're going out with all of these duds then why continue?" Here's the thing, believe it or not I am actually trying to seek out a potential husband because I don't want to end up as a spinster cat lady. It's impossible to meet men when I'm out and about in my daily life, so I figure if I date as many guys as possible, as quickly as possible, I am upping my chances of meeting someone decent. I figure, for every 20 guys I got out with, maybe one will stick? I guess we'll see.
My sister says "Why don't you try eHarmony?" Girlfriend I did! And I didn't get any bang for my buck (pardon the pun). eHarmony has such a tiresome interview process that by the time I got to the stage where I could actually email back and forth, I just stopped caring.
My mother says "What do you expect from these guys on Match? They're only looking for a hookup." I absolutely refuse to believe that EVERY single guy on Match just wants a wham bam thank you ma'am. There HAS to be somebody looking for something more serious... right? Or am I delusional? My mom also tells me time and time again that I should sign up for Table for Six. If you aren't familiar with this dating service basically 3 guys and 3 ladies go out to dinner on a group date. And if you like a guy and they also liked you you're set up on an individual date. In theory this sounds fine, except this service is over $1000!!! That is half of my trip to Spain! I'm sorry, but I would rather go on an amazing trip than spend that kind of dough on a dating service where I might not even meet anyone I like. Sorry, but I haven't quite reached the point of desperation yet.
In conclusion, if any of you have any awesome single guy friends (or brothers, cousins, nephews, sons...) feel free to send them my way! I only have a short questionaire for the applicant to fill out ;-)
My sister says "Why don't you try eHarmony?" Girlfriend I did! And I didn't get any bang for my buck (pardon the pun). eHarmony has such a tiresome interview process that by the time I got to the stage where I could actually email back and forth, I just stopped caring.
My mother says "What do you expect from these guys on Match? They're only looking for a hookup." I absolutely refuse to believe that EVERY single guy on Match just wants a wham bam thank you ma'am. There HAS to be somebody looking for something more serious... right? Or am I delusional? My mom also tells me time and time again that I should sign up for Table for Six. If you aren't familiar with this dating service basically 3 guys and 3 ladies go out to dinner on a group date. And if you like a guy and they also liked you you're set up on an individual date. In theory this sounds fine, except this service is over $1000!!! That is half of my trip to Spain! I'm sorry, but I would rather go on an amazing trip than spend that kind of dough on a dating service where I might not even meet anyone I like. Sorry, but I haven't quite reached the point of desperation yet.
In conclusion, if any of you have any awesome single guy friends (or brothers, cousins, nephews, sons...) feel free to send them my way! I only have a short questionaire for the applicant to fill out ;-)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Bachelor #7- The One Hit Wonder
Bachelor #7 was a hottie patottie and it's a damn shame it didn't work out. I almost didn't go out with this one because I was getting carried away with Army Guy. We emailed back and forth for a while, and he even called a few times (another rare gem). We had some great conversations and I personally felt the chemistry. He was 2 years younger, worked for a medical sales company, lived nearby, played hockey and was a quadruplet.
One Friday night we met up for sushi (a much better place than I had gone to with Army Guy). He was already sitting when I walked in and I was awestruck by how handsome he was in person. He had a strong jaw and a smile that could make women swoon. You could tell he was in amazing shape by his perfect physique. It's a damn shame it didn't work out.
Dinner was great. We ate, drank, had an easy flowing and fun conversation. It was almost too good to be true. After dinner while we were both waiting for our identical Honda Civics I casually mentioned how the air in one of my tires was low, but I didn't know which one. Being the seeming gentleman I thought he was he offered to go to the gas station with me and fill my tires with air. I couldn't believe how sweet he was!
After the tire filling he asked if I wanted to get a drink. Of course I said yes and we went to one of my favorite bars near my house. We were having such a great time we closed the bar down and walked back to my place. I innocently invited him up to have some water since he was drinking before he headed home. I know that one of the rules from the ladies code of conduct is to never invite a guy up on a first date. But I assure you MY intentions were pure. Well one thing led to another and before I knew it we were making out like teenagers! I promise it was all innocent- I actually made it VERY clear upfront that nothing was going to happen.
Well, I guess my clarity and my purity was a dealbreaker because after that night I never saw or heard from The One Hit Wonder again. It's a damn shame it didn't work out.
One Friday night we met up for sushi (a much better place than I had gone to with Army Guy). He was already sitting when I walked in and I was awestruck by how handsome he was in person. He had a strong jaw and a smile that could make women swoon. You could tell he was in amazing shape by his perfect physique. It's a damn shame it didn't work out.
Dinner was great. We ate, drank, had an easy flowing and fun conversation. It was almost too good to be true. After dinner while we were both waiting for our identical Honda Civics I casually mentioned how the air in one of my tires was low, but I didn't know which one. Being the seeming gentleman I thought he was he offered to go to the gas station with me and fill my tires with air. I couldn't believe how sweet he was!
After the tire filling he asked if I wanted to get a drink. Of course I said yes and we went to one of my favorite bars near my house. We were having such a great time we closed the bar down and walked back to my place. I innocently invited him up to have some water since he was drinking before he headed home. I know that one of the rules from the ladies code of conduct is to never invite a guy up on a first date. But I assure you MY intentions were pure. Well one thing led to another and before I knew it we were making out like teenagers! I promise it was all innocent- I actually made it VERY clear upfront that nothing was going to happen.
Well, I guess my clarity and my purity was a dealbreaker because after that night I never saw or heard from The One Hit Wonder again. It's a damn shame it didn't work out.
Bachelor #6- Army Guy
My stories become increasingly interesting from Bachelors #6-12. With Bachelor #6 I did EVERYTHING a woman can do wrong when it comes to men. Let me explain...
There is a book I read many years ago that I hold near and dear to my heart called "Why Men Love Bitches," by Sherry Argov. If you are a single woman you are doing yourself a diservice by not reading this book. Not only is it hilarious, but all of the tips and information in there are true and useful. She basically outlines every single thing women tend to do with men that they should NOT do, including but not limited to 1) Don't always be available when he asks you out, 2) Don't sleep with him right away, 3) Don't be accomodating all of the time, 4) Don't cook for him.... the list goes on and on. With Bachelor #6 I subconsciously broke every single major rule that this woman laid out. BIG MISTAKE (which I learned from).
I met Bachelor #6 on Match. He was a good looking guy, actively serving in the Army (score beans!), my age, from the Midwest, lived nearby and was a "wannabe actor." He was also finishing up school (but for the life of me I can't remember what he was even majoring in). On our first date he invited me out to a UCLA tailgate party at the Rose Bowl. I had never been to a tailgate party before so I thought it would be loads of fun, I was also trying really hard to be open minded when it came to these unusual dates. We ended up going to the party with a group of his friends who were all very funny, very nice, very personable people. The tailgate party ended up being a ton of fun. People were playing beer pong, there was bbq, people were sticking their heads in a bucket of ice water to see who could stay in there the longest... it was very entertaining. Despite the fun I was having there were a few major red flags that popped up during my conversation with the Army Guy. Why I ignored these very obvious red flags? I don't know. Stupidity is my best answer.
Red Flag #1- This wasn't really a date, it was more of a group hangout.
Red Flag #2- Army Guy mentioned that he was being deployed to Iraq within the next few years.
Red Flag #3- He wanted to be an actor. And by actor I mean he was trying to be in commercials.
Red Flag #4 Army Guy said he was thinking about getting a vasectomy so he wouldn't accidentally have any kids. YUP, if that isn't a red flag I don't know what is. The best part is that I pretty much chose to ignore that tid bit of information and go on like all was well in this world. I didn't even tell any of my friends about that comment- so SURPRISE! Now you know.
Despite all of this I chose to stick my head in the sand and carry on. Right after the tailgate party we ended up going out to a local bar and continued the date (even though one of his friends was still tagging along- Red Flag #5). I am too ashamed to admit to what happened after this, so I'm not going to. All I am going to say is, you know how when you've been on a diet and there is this 1,000 calorie slab of double chocolate cake staring at you say "Eat me, I am so delicious" and you know that you shouldn't eat it because it's totally wrong? Same rule applied to Bachelor #6.
But I went on a second date with Bachelor #6 the weekend after. It was a Friday night and he was going to pick me up at 7:30. I automatically assumed we were going out to dinner, considering it was around the time most people eat. I had also told Bachelor #6 to plan on what we were going to do because I liked to be surprised. Well I was surprised when he said he hadn't had time to plan anything- Red Flag #6 (inconsiderate and lazy). I said lets go eat. He said "I already ate." I said "Seriously? You ate?" He said he could eat again and suggested we go have sushi (Red Flag #7- he already ate). So we went to have sushi, and it wasn't the best sushi place I've been to, but it also wasn't the worst. After sushi he took me to this park near his house. Yes a park, as in swings, slides and other shit for kids to jump and play on. I was trying to stay open minded when he said he and his friends liked coming to this particular park to mess around (Red Flag #8- grown men shouldn't be at children's parks). I'll admit, I haven't been at a park in well over 20 years so it was sort of fun running around and climbing up and sliding down things. After the park we went back to my place and watched a scary movie. All in all, despite the red flags I had a good time.
For date #3 Army Guy was supposed to come over for dinner. This is one of the rules that I broke from "Why Men Love Bitches." Do not cook for a man- he has to earn it. This guy definitely had not earned it. I spent so much time making this beautiful lasagna. He came over for dinner and I had just put the lasagna in the oven when he said he was "turning into a pumpkin soon" because he "forgot" he had made plans to go to a friend's birthday party in Hollywood and he was driving over with his friends (Red Flag #9). I said "well you could have let me know and we could have rescheduled." He said "Could we do lunch tomorrow?" I broke another rule by saying that was fine and accomodating his fucked up schedule. However, in my defense, I was trying to be more laid back about everything and not get so uptight, which I admit I got that way now and then with my ex.
The next day he texted saying "Can lunch be moved to dinner?" Red Flag #10. Again, I was super nice and said sure. So the plan was that he was coming over for dinner at 8pm. Right at 8 everything was ready- food was heated and table was set. At that moment this mother fucker sent me a text saying, and I quote "Not gonna make it." Red Flag #11, 12, 13, 14 and 15. I said "Are you serious? Not at all?" He said "Sorry." His execuse was that he was at a movie and it was longer than he had anticipated. I knew this was bull shit because I saw on his Facebook profile that he had just accepted an invite to another birthday party that night- that is why he was bailing on me. So I called him out on it and said "If you had another party to go to you could've just told me instead of wasting my time again. Don't ever contact me again"
And that was the end of Bachelor #6. As for the amazing lasagna I prepared? I shared that with my sister and her fiance; my parents also benefitted from his douchebaggery. At least they appreciated my cooking.
There is a book I read many years ago that I hold near and dear to my heart called "Why Men Love Bitches," by Sherry Argov. If you are a single woman you are doing yourself a diservice by not reading this book. Not only is it hilarious, but all of the tips and information in there are true and useful. She basically outlines every single thing women tend to do with men that they should NOT do, including but not limited to 1) Don't always be available when he asks you out, 2) Don't sleep with him right away, 3) Don't be accomodating all of the time, 4) Don't cook for him.... the list goes on and on. With Bachelor #6 I subconsciously broke every single major rule that this woman laid out. BIG MISTAKE (which I learned from).
I met Bachelor #6 on Match. He was a good looking guy, actively serving in the Army (score beans!), my age, from the Midwest, lived nearby and was a "wannabe actor." He was also finishing up school (but for the life of me I can't remember what he was even majoring in). On our first date he invited me out to a UCLA tailgate party at the Rose Bowl. I had never been to a tailgate party before so I thought it would be loads of fun, I was also trying really hard to be open minded when it came to these unusual dates. We ended up going to the party with a group of his friends who were all very funny, very nice, very personable people. The tailgate party ended up being a ton of fun. People were playing beer pong, there was bbq, people were sticking their heads in a bucket of ice water to see who could stay in there the longest... it was very entertaining. Despite the fun I was having there were a few major red flags that popped up during my conversation with the Army Guy. Why I ignored these very obvious red flags? I don't know. Stupidity is my best answer.
Red Flag #1- This wasn't really a date, it was more of a group hangout.
Red Flag #2- Army Guy mentioned that he was being deployed to Iraq within the next few years.
Red Flag #3- He wanted to be an actor. And by actor I mean he was trying to be in commercials.
Red Flag #4 Army Guy said he was thinking about getting a vasectomy so he wouldn't accidentally have any kids. YUP, if that isn't a red flag I don't know what is. The best part is that I pretty much chose to ignore that tid bit of information and go on like all was well in this world. I didn't even tell any of my friends about that comment- so SURPRISE! Now you know.
Despite all of this I chose to stick my head in the sand and carry on. Right after the tailgate party we ended up going out to a local bar and continued the date (even though one of his friends was still tagging along- Red Flag #5). I am too ashamed to admit to what happened after this, so I'm not going to. All I am going to say is, you know how when you've been on a diet and there is this 1,000 calorie slab of double chocolate cake staring at you say "Eat me, I am so delicious" and you know that you shouldn't eat it because it's totally wrong? Same rule applied to Bachelor #6.
But I went on a second date with Bachelor #6 the weekend after. It was a Friday night and he was going to pick me up at 7:30. I automatically assumed we were going out to dinner, considering it was around the time most people eat. I had also told Bachelor #6 to plan on what we were going to do because I liked to be surprised. Well I was surprised when he said he hadn't had time to plan anything- Red Flag #6 (inconsiderate and lazy). I said lets go eat. He said "I already ate." I said "Seriously? You ate?" He said he could eat again and suggested we go have sushi (Red Flag #7- he already ate). So we went to have sushi, and it wasn't the best sushi place I've been to, but it also wasn't the worst. After sushi he took me to this park near his house. Yes a park, as in swings, slides and other shit for kids to jump and play on. I was trying to stay open minded when he said he and his friends liked coming to this particular park to mess around (Red Flag #8- grown men shouldn't be at children's parks). I'll admit, I haven't been at a park in well over 20 years so it was sort of fun running around and climbing up and sliding down things. After the park we went back to my place and watched a scary movie. All in all, despite the red flags I had a good time.
For date #3 Army Guy was supposed to come over for dinner. This is one of the rules that I broke from "Why Men Love Bitches." Do not cook for a man- he has to earn it. This guy definitely had not earned it. I spent so much time making this beautiful lasagna. He came over for dinner and I had just put the lasagna in the oven when he said he was "turning into a pumpkin soon" because he "forgot" he had made plans to go to a friend's birthday party in Hollywood and he was driving over with his friends (Red Flag #9). I said "well you could have let me know and we could have rescheduled." He said "Could we do lunch tomorrow?" I broke another rule by saying that was fine and accomodating his fucked up schedule. However, in my defense, I was trying to be more laid back about everything and not get so uptight, which I admit I got that way now and then with my ex.
The next day he texted saying "Can lunch be moved to dinner?" Red Flag #10. Again, I was super nice and said sure. So the plan was that he was coming over for dinner at 8pm. Right at 8 everything was ready- food was heated and table was set. At that moment this mother fucker sent me a text saying, and I quote "Not gonna make it." Red Flag #11, 12, 13, 14 and 15. I said "Are you serious? Not at all?" He said "Sorry." His execuse was that he was at a movie and it was longer than he had anticipated. I knew this was bull shit because I saw on his Facebook profile that he had just accepted an invite to another birthday party that night- that is why he was bailing on me. So I called him out on it and said "If you had another party to go to you could've just told me instead of wasting my time again. Don't ever contact me again"
And that was the end of Bachelor #6. As for the amazing lasagna I prepared? I shared that with my sister and her fiance; my parents also benefitted from his douchebaggery. At least they appreciated my cooking.
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