Bachelor # 11- The Set Up

I should've known better than to accept to be set up by well-meaning sister. The first time I was set up by her I was 23 years old. She set me up with the security guard at her office building- he was 22. She was like "oh he's cute, he's blonde- you like blondes, he's funny, you'll have fun." So I think "Sure! Why not?" Well this kid picks me up in his crappy old mini van and we go to Universal Citywalk. We had a fun time hanging out, and when he dropped me off at home I figured I would be bold and give him a good night kiss. It was literally the most awkward kiss I had ever experienced in my life. He kissed like a fish! From then on I named him Fish Lips. I was like "Why does he kiss like a fish?" I will never forget what he said to me... "This is my first kiss." No fucking way!!! That explained everything. How did he go 22 years without kissing a girl? It was such a turn off I never saw him again. I know that sounds harsh, but I did not want to be the kissing teacher to this kid. Blech!

Fast forward 7 years and I decide again to let my sister set me up with yet another co-worker. This time she literally went around her office asking people "Do you know anyone nice and single to set up with my sister? She has a good job." Well she found someone, he just looked and acted like a 13 year old boy who was really into Metallica. She said "Oh he's so nice and funny, and he has really nice long hair." Well there is 0 part of me that likes a guy with hair longer than mine, but I thought to myself "Self, give him a try, you can always cut his hair off later." So I agreed to meet up with him for a drink one night after work. We met up at Buffalo Wild Wings in Hollywood, red flag #1- don't ask me out to a shitty chain bar. When I saw him he literally looked like a grungy teenage boy, red flag #2. His first words to me were "Sorry if I seem buzzed, I saw some of my friends at the bar and had a shot with them," red flag #3. We sit down, I order my drink and he orders his 2nd beer, red flag #4, and we begin to chit chat, red flag #5 was that this fool would not look me in the eyes while we conversed. He literally looked past my head. For a minute I thought he was blind and that's why he wasn't making eye contact. Nope! He's just totally awkward and terrible at making conversation. It was really painful talking to him. While we were talking his friends came up to us and interrupted our conversation, red flag #6. It was an overall painful experience. We had absolutely nothing in common, he didn't seem that funny- which my sister claimed he was, and when the bill came I had to pay for my own damn drink- big red flag #7. I practically ran out of there when we were done. I never spoke to him again after that and I REFUSE to be set up by my sister ever again (unless she's setting me up with Ryan Gosling or Joseph Gordon Levitt).