My stories become increasingly interesting from Bachelors #6-12. With Bachelor #6 I did EVERYTHING a woman can do wrong when it comes to men. Let me explain...
There is a book I read many years ago that I hold near and dear to my heart called "Why Men Love Bitches," by Sherry Argov. If you are a single woman you are doing yourself a diservice by not reading this book. Not only is it hilarious, but all of the tips and information in there are true and useful. She basically outlines every single thing women tend to do with men that they should NOT do, including but not limited to 1) Don't always be available when he asks you out, 2) Don't sleep with him right away, 3) Don't be accomodating all of the time, 4) Don't cook for him.... the list goes on and on. With Bachelor #6 I subconsciously broke every single major rule that this woman laid out. BIG MISTAKE (which I learned from).
I met Bachelor #6 on Match. He was a good looking guy, actively serving in the Army (score beans!), my age, from the Midwest, lived nearby and was a "wannabe actor." He was also finishing up school (but for the life of me I can't remember what he was even majoring in). On our first date he invited me out to a UCLA tailgate party at the Rose Bowl. I had never been to a tailgate party before so I thought it would be loads of fun, I was also trying really hard to be open minded when it came to these unusual dates. We ended up going to the party with a group of his friends who were all very funny, very nice, very personable people. The tailgate party ended up being a ton of fun. People were playing beer pong, there was bbq, people were sticking their heads in a bucket of ice water to see who could stay in there the longest... it was very entertaining. Despite the fun I was having there were a few major red flags that popped up during my conversation with the Army Guy. Why I ignored these very obvious red flags? I don't know. Stupidity is my best answer.
Red Flag #1- This wasn't really a date, it was more of a group hangout.
Red Flag #2- Army Guy mentioned that he was being deployed to Iraq within the next few years.
Red Flag #3- He wanted to be an actor. And by actor I mean he was trying to be in commercials.
Red Flag #4 Army Guy said he was thinking about getting a vasectomy so he wouldn't accidentally have any kids. YUP, if that isn't a red flag I don't know what is. The best part is that I pretty much chose to ignore that tid bit of information and go on like all was well in this world. I didn't even tell any of my friends about that comment- so SURPRISE! Now you know.
Despite all of this I chose to stick my head in the sand and carry on. Right after the tailgate party we ended up going out to a local bar and continued the date (even though one of his friends was still tagging along- Red Flag #5). I am too ashamed to admit to what happened after this, so I'm not going to. All I am going to say is, you know how when you've been on a diet and there is this 1,000 calorie slab of double chocolate cake staring at you say "Eat me, I am so delicious" and you know that you shouldn't eat it because it's totally wrong? Same rule applied to Bachelor #6.
But I went on a second date with Bachelor #6 the weekend after. It was a Friday night and he was going to pick me up at 7:30. I automatically assumed we were going out to dinner, considering it was around the time most people eat. I had also told Bachelor #6 to plan on what we were going to do because I liked to be surprised. Well I was surprised when he said he hadn't had time to plan anything- Red Flag #6 (inconsiderate and lazy). I said lets go eat. He said "I already ate." I said "Seriously? You ate?" He said he could eat again and suggested we go have sushi (Red Flag #7- he already ate). So we went to have sushi, and it wasn't the best sushi place I've been to, but it also wasn't the worst. After sushi he took me to this park near his house. Yes a park, as in swings, slides and other shit for kids to jump and play on. I was trying to stay open minded when he said he and his friends liked coming to this particular park to mess around (Red Flag #8- grown men shouldn't be at children's parks). I'll admit, I haven't been at a park in well over 20 years so it was sort of fun running around and climbing up and sliding down things. After the park we went back to my place and watched a scary movie. All in all, despite the red flags I had a good time.
For date #3 Army Guy was supposed to come over for dinner. This is one of the rules that I broke from "Why Men Love Bitches." Do not cook for a man- he has to earn it. This guy definitely had not earned it. I spent so much time making this beautiful lasagna. He came over for dinner and I had just put the lasagna in the oven when he said he was "turning into a pumpkin soon" because he "forgot" he had made plans to go to a friend's birthday party in Hollywood and he was driving over with his friends (Red Flag #9). I said "well you could have let me know and we could have rescheduled." He said "Could we do lunch tomorrow?" I broke another rule by saying that was fine and accomodating his fucked up schedule. However, in my defense, I was trying to be more laid back about everything and not get so uptight, which I admit I got that way now and then with my ex.
The next day he texted saying "Can lunch be moved to dinner?" Red Flag #10. Again, I was super nice and said sure. So the plan was that he was coming over for dinner at 8pm. Right at 8 everything was ready- food was heated and table was set. At that moment this mother fucker sent me a text saying, and I quote "Not gonna make it." Red Flag #11, 12, 13, 14 and 15. I said "Are you serious? Not at all?" He said "Sorry." His execuse was that he was at a movie and it was longer than he had anticipated. I knew this was bull shit because I saw on his Facebook profile that he had just accepted an invite to another birthday party that night- that is why he was bailing on me. So I called him out on it and said "If you had another party to go to you could've just told me instead of wasting my time again. Don't ever contact me again"
And that was the end of Bachelor #6. As for the amazing lasagna I prepared? I shared that with my sister and her fiance; my parents also benefitted from his douchebaggery. At least they appreciated my cooking.