Email of the Night...

I've got a few gems for you tonight.

This one comes from Independently31 "Run Pete Run!!!!! Hi, I am Peter. Forest Gump is one of my favorite movies. I must say I’ve studied your profile and I find you down to earth, intelligent, and funny... You like Asian guys? I tell ya me likey you long time! Haha... I am not looking for anything serious at first, I just want to hang out with a cool chick like you! :)"

My likey you long time? Really? Aside from that, the "I'm not looking for anything serious" part is also not helping his case.

What's funny is that I didn't respond, obviously, and a few days later he followed up with "Hi there, you sound awesome, how's this match thing going so far? Met anyone interesting? I'd like to chat with you and get to know you."

Sounds like this guy forgot about the obnoxious email he had just sent a few days prior. Maybe he was drunk...

Another winner comes from a creepy looking fellow by the name of life_hacker_(he looks like a serial killer) "Hey, good news... I just got off the phone with customer service, and it turns out this site doesn't charge you by the number of responses you send. It's like an unlimited data plan.

OK, try sending a reply. Go for it...it's totally free ;)"

He had emailed me once before and decided that maybe following up with this "witty" email would prompt a response. Sorry... not working for me.

God where are all the nice, attractive, normal guys?????

Email of the Night... Guest Contribution

I have a guest contribution for this week's email of the night. One of my best friends has been getting the most bizarre, and rather disturbing emails. Here's a few for the records...

i wanna give it to u
i wanna feel what its like to be in you... as im kiss you and culminng inside as im looking deep into your eyes...
and whisper i love you!!

Gross... and what does culminng mean?

Here's another one my friend got, it isn't perverted but it's still bizarre:

Hmm, I think I know you…
You’re the woman from the Cayman Islands… the agent whose acquaintance I made after surfacing my submarine near the Virgin Gorda… Your “save me from my sinking boat” routine was a clever ruse, I’ll give you that much…
I know you slipped a sedative into my caviar before you handcuffed me to the bedpost… But I can’t believe you took my parrot… I told you he’d never talk!!
I’m curious… What did you do with the diamonds and $100k in cash in those suitcases? Foreign bribes, plastic surgery, chocolate, or what?

Two more she contributed include:

"Let me be your husband "
And,
"you look...Turkish".

The last one is only funny because she is Armenian. Hmmm... maybe it was Bachelor #21? The Turk?

Happy Anniversary to Me

This weekend I celebrated my 1 year anniversary of being single and dodging the biggest bullet of my life. Most women would mope about, wallowing in self pity when an anniversary like this rolls around- but not me! Yes, a year later I am still single, but I have gone out with 21 guys and I've learned a hell of a lot about myself and the male species. Yes I've made mistakes, and I've gone out with a lot of unworthy guys, but everything has been a learning experience and I am a better person for it.

So to celebrate my awesome single status I went out to a fun lounge and got drinks with my 2 best friends, whom I am beyond lucky to have in my life. When you have friends like the ones I have, you can go through any shitty situation and survive it. They have been my support system for the last 20+ years and I can't imagine my life without them. I wish I could meet a man who is half as awesome as they are.

Ironically, I got 2 texts from unworthy guys who will never qualify as Bachelors. UnBachelor #1 is a guy who I was supposed to go out with over a month ago, yet he never called to make plans. He text me Saturday night and asked if I had plans, which translates into "Hey my date bailed on me and now you could be my backup plan." You don't get to ask me out for Saturday night ON Saturday night. I have a life and I am not desperate. Needless to say I just deleted his text without a response.

UnBachelor #2 is a guy who asked me out for Friday evening earlier in the week and he also never bothered to call to solidify plans. Instead, Saturday morning he text me asking me what I was up to. What am I up to? Well, I was headed to my date with Bachelor #21, I should've told him that, however, I just deleted his text as well without a reply. If you can't take 2 seconds to give me a courtesy call then I will not take 2 seconds to reply to your lame, lazy text.

The old me would have probably responded, but I have a buffet of potential Bachelors at my disposal so I no longer feel the need to waste any of my valuable time on losers.

Bachelor #21- Gay or Soft Spoken?

I had a date with Bachelor #21 this weekend, and it wasn't terrible. Bachelor #21 actually called earlier in the week to ask me out for lunch this weekend, which automatically earned him brownie points.

We met up at one of my favorite gastro pubs for lunch and we had a pleasant time. He wasn't awful to look at, and talking to him wasn't like pulling teeth. He seemed genuinely nice, maybe because he is from Maine originally and LA hasn't corrupted him yet. However, for a split second during lunch, while he was talking, the thought popped into my head "Is he gay?" Maybe it was because he seemed a little soft spoken, or maybe it's because was nervous, but the thought crossed my mind, and I feel like anytime that thought pops into your mind it's a red flag.

He didn't say anything that would make me question if he was gay or straight, but he just didn't exude a ton of masculinity. Not that he spoke with his hands or did or said anything flamboyent or feminine, I just can't place my finger on it.

Since we had a nice time, and I wasn't bored to tears, I would be willing to see him again to see if I get that feeling once more.

Emails of the Night

It's time for my favorite segment called "Emails of the Night."

First up courtesy of beloved8779:  "Wow you like a lot of wine. What kind of wine do you drink?"
Hmmm.... maybe I have too many photos with a wine glass in my hand? Nah...

Next up is from HopFullyYours (not sure if he just doesn't know how to spell "hopefully" or not): "In regards to career I was doing really well in my dream industry but was laid off due to over expansion. I took a risky move taking the job and it didn't pan out. Consequently I'm not where I want to be professionally but I haven't given up hope. Waiting tablesbar tending isn't glamorous but the money is good and the rent doesn't pay itself.
I love to go karaoking, traveling the world is great and was planning Europe this summer but got laid off, I still have hopes to travel to the Philippines in 2014. Living near the beach is great and enjoy my local watering hole. How do you feel about beer?"

Ummm, talking about being laid off multiple times isn't really a strong selling point, I'd like someone with a career- thanks. Oh, and I hate beer.

We have another doozey from MusicJammer01: "I would love to be your friend. I really like your synopsis. Though your words are brief, it exhbits a lot of good character, humility and hope. It speaks to the heart. I would love to start a friendship with you. Let me know how to reach out to you.

I would love to meet up with you for spanish latte, vegan chocolate cake and LaSagna that SoCal has to offer? I know just the right place for it. I hope that you will find it in your heart space to reach out and extend a friendly hand. I look forward to hearing from you.

Namaste."

Wow... just wow... oh yeah and he's always in his 40s- NOPE! (and he looked creepy)

Bachelor #20- Snooze...

I don't understand why it is so hard to meet someone who is both attractive and not boring. If someone is cute they usually have the personality of sawdust. If someone if hilarious and fun to be around they usually have the face of Frankenstein (ok maybe not that bad but you get my drift). Why is it impossible to have looks and personality?

I got drinks with Bachelor #20 last weekend, and it was just "eh." We didn't really have anything in common, he was very "eh" looking (I know I sounds superficial and looks fade- but I need physical attraction, sorry sue me) and I made sure to talk about how I don't like sports and I enjoy strippers (to ensure I don't heard from him again). He seemed nice, but there wasn't anything amazing about him- and I want amazing. I deserve amazing. After all of the bullshit I've had to put up with, with my douchebag ex boyfriend to all 20 bachelors I've had to sort through, I deserve someone great and I am not about to settle for less.

My mom says "I don't know why you waste your time going out with these guys." My answer- if I don't meet them how will I know if I like them or not. And how am I supposed to meet someone awesome if I don't put myself out there? I'm about ready to start looking into mail order husbands.