The first date I had with Bachelor #37 was probably the most awkward date I've ever had in my entire life, yet I saw him again anyway.
I met this one on Match, and I think we had emailed a few times a year ago but we never went out for whatever reason. So we started chatting again and right off the bat he wanted to skip the bullshit and just talk on the phone- which was fine with me. During our first phone conversation he said "Can we just cut through the bull shit and be real?" and I was immediately sold. I liked his bluntness because he seemed like he just genuinely wanted to get to know me and not deal with all the fake getting to know you shit.
On our first date we met up at my favorite local dive bar, which in hindsight was a bad choice because there was a really loud/bad band playing that night so it was hard to talk. But I got really shy when he got there, he was kind of intimidating- which is weird because it's very hard to intimidate ME. He even called me out on being quieter in person than on the phone.
After a few drinks we decided to go elsewhere because it was too damn loud. He asked me where I wanted to go, I joked and said Page 71 (which is like a mini dance club) and he said ok let's go. I was like no I'm just kidding, he said no no let's go. So we went, it was 20x louder than the previous bar- but at least the music was popp'n, but again not conducive to talking.
So we bailed on that place, I thought we were done for the night but he STILL wanted to hang out more, which surprised me because I didn't really think he had liked me. So we went and got some late night food and hung out longer. The night ended up being salvaged by the most amazing grilled cheese sandwich that I ever consumed in my entire life.
We went out several more times, but ultimately we were not compatible. 1) He was more into his little dog than me, 2) He was a TOTAL early bird and I love sleeping in, 3) He snored like a fucking lumber jack and I just can't deal with that, 4) He HATED Disneyland!! Who fucking hates the happiest place on earth???? That was a total deal breaker considering I have an annual pass and it is my favorite place ever. He said Disneyland embodied the mediocrity of America, I said "So you think I'm mediocre?"
I also hated that he was slow as shit to ask me out even after several dates. Like what the hell are you waiting for?? He made me feel like he didn't really want to date me, but then he'd send mixed messages by saying it's been to long since we saw each other and we needed to hang out soon. Ummmm so then plan a date mother fucker. I immediately pulled the plug when I met Bachelor #38.
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Sunday, July 27, 2014
Bachelor #36- The Bachelor Who Saved me From a Bum
Bachelor #36 can fall under the category of a "One Hit Wonder," meaning we went out on 1 date and never heard from him again.
He was the first guy I went out with on eHarmony (that site is not lucrative at all- very low return on investment so I don't recommend it). He was your typical Hollywood Jew, lived in a super baller apartment, had a flashy car, blah blah blah.
We met up at his place since it was in a prime location and we walked to an awesome Mexican restaurant. As we were walking this crazy homeless dude (who I thought was dead because he was laying on the ground) popped up and leapt toward me. Bachelor #36 sprung into action and protected me from this crazy hobo and got rid of him. I thought he was gonna punch him out, that would've been pretty awesome. After that happened he automatically got points for not being a pussy.
We had a great lunch, drank some margaritas, went back to his place and hung out at the pool. It was a pretty great day, I felt like I was at a resort. After the pool we had some wine, he serenaded me with his guitar (I'm a sucker for men who can play guitar) and then we made out. That day I exhibited self control and went home without anything happening that would shame my family.... which is probably why I never heard from him after that. But it's ok, I think I liked his place more than him.
Lesson I learned from this, eHarmony produces jerks also.
He was the first guy I went out with on eHarmony (that site is not lucrative at all- very low return on investment so I don't recommend it). He was your typical Hollywood Jew, lived in a super baller apartment, had a flashy car, blah blah blah.
We met up at his place since it was in a prime location and we walked to an awesome Mexican restaurant. As we were walking this crazy homeless dude (who I thought was dead because he was laying on the ground) popped up and leapt toward me. Bachelor #36 sprung into action and protected me from this crazy hobo and got rid of him. I thought he was gonna punch him out, that would've been pretty awesome. After that happened he automatically got points for not being a pussy.
We had a great lunch, drank some margaritas, went back to his place and hung out at the pool. It was a pretty great day, I felt like I was at a resort. After the pool we had some wine, he serenaded me with his guitar (I'm a sucker for men who can play guitar) and then we made out. That day I exhibited self control and went home without anything happening that would shame my family.... which is probably why I never heard from him after that. But it's ok, I think I liked his place more than him.
Lesson I learned from this, eHarmony produces jerks also.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Bachelor #35- The Wannabe Director
I went out with Bachelor #35 for the sake of just going out. I NEVER date guys in the "movie" industry. This includes wannabe directors, producers, writers, actors, etc. But I went out with this guy because I was just trying to get my mind off of Bachelor #34. During this date I was going through a period in which I couldn't hear out of my left ear. My eustachian tube in my ear was plugged due to pressure, so I was literally deaf in my left ear for a few weeks (fortunately one of my best friends is a chiropractor and kept adjusting me until my ear popped which felt better than an orgasm).
Of course during my deafness we decide to meet up at a bar. I told him up front that I was having hearing issues and I apologized for saying "huh?" every two seconds. It was ok though. We talked, had a drink... he mentioned he had gotten a DUI which is always a red flag for me. So he didn't drink more than a beer.
After our first bar he was like "my friend is having a birthday party at this brewery in downtown LA do you want to go?" I said sure because I had nothing better to do, he was cute enough, although short, and I didn't feel like going home yet. So we met up with some of his friends, we had a beer, played a few rounds of Jenga and had a good time. I always enjoy meeting strangers so it wasn't awkward for me.
What was awkward was at the end of the night when he was like "well I had fun, do you want to do this again?" and I said the obligatory "sure" when in actuality we both knew we would never see each other again.
I should've stuck to my rule in which I don't date men in the "movie" business because they are all lame. He directed a movie, I saw the trailer, and it was a piece of shit. The end.
Of course during my deafness we decide to meet up at a bar. I told him up front that I was having hearing issues and I apologized for saying "huh?" every two seconds. It was ok though. We talked, had a drink... he mentioned he had gotten a DUI which is always a red flag for me. So he didn't drink more than a beer.
After our first bar he was like "my friend is having a birthday party at this brewery in downtown LA do you want to go?" I said sure because I had nothing better to do, he was cute enough, although short, and I didn't feel like going home yet. So we met up with some of his friends, we had a beer, played a few rounds of Jenga and had a good time. I always enjoy meeting strangers so it wasn't awkward for me.
What was awkward was at the end of the night when he was like "well I had fun, do you want to do this again?" and I said the obligatory "sure" when in actuality we both knew we would never see each other again.
I should've stuck to my rule in which I don't date men in the "movie" business because they are all lame. He directed a movie, I saw the trailer, and it was a piece of shit. The end.
Bachelor #34 - Mr. Right?
Hi friends. If you haven't noticed I took a bit of a hiatus from writing. Partly out of frustration, partly due to lack of time, and partly due to the fact that sometimes it hurts to rehash these stories.
Bachelor #34 had so much potential that it sucks to write about him. He was the kind of guy with an infectious laugh. He was not only funny himself, but he laughed at everything I said. Aside from that he was cute in that really sweet, wholesome way. It didn't hurt that he was successful in his career and was an actual adult.
Our first date we met up for brunch, and we had such a great time. It was easy. It was fun. It was real.
Our second date we had dinner at a restaurant near my office that I loved. He showed up in a suit and was all sorts of handsome. He was so polite to the waitress, which is a very important indicator of their overall attitude. It was such a great evening. We laughed a ton and he picked out some great wine. He was so classy.
Our third date I decided to invite him out and we went to the museum together. We spent the entire afternoon looking at and discussing art. It was so refreshing to be with someone who had an interest in something other than drinking and fucking. He was so educated and just so interesting to talk to.
After the museum he wanted to hang out more. So we went to get coffee, talked more and then went and had dinner. We literally hung out the entire day and night.
What happened after than magical third date? Nothing. Not a god damn thing. Never heard from him again. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. But I never heard from him again. And I will be honest, it fucking sucked and it hurt a lot. Maybe he met someone else, maybe he died in a car crash. I will never know, and that is what bothers me the most. It's always the hardest when you connect with someone and have a few good dates with someone who disappears for no good reason. I didn't want to continue after him, but I didn't have a choice.
Bachelor #34 had so much potential that it sucks to write about him. He was the kind of guy with an infectious laugh. He was not only funny himself, but he laughed at everything I said. Aside from that he was cute in that really sweet, wholesome way. It didn't hurt that he was successful in his career and was an actual adult.
Our first date we met up for brunch, and we had such a great time. It was easy. It was fun. It was real.
Our second date we had dinner at a restaurant near my office that I loved. He showed up in a suit and was all sorts of handsome. He was so polite to the waitress, which is a very important indicator of their overall attitude. It was such a great evening. We laughed a ton and he picked out some great wine. He was so classy.
Our third date I decided to invite him out and we went to the museum together. We spent the entire afternoon looking at and discussing art. It was so refreshing to be with someone who had an interest in something other than drinking and fucking. He was so educated and just so interesting to talk to.
After the museum he wanted to hang out more. So we went to get coffee, talked more and then went and had dinner. We literally hung out the entire day and night.
What happened after than magical third date? Nothing. Not a god damn thing. Never heard from him again. I don't know why. I don't know what happened. But I never heard from him again. And I will be honest, it fucking sucked and it hurt a lot. Maybe he met someone else, maybe he died in a car crash. I will never know, and that is what bothers me the most. It's always the hardest when you connect with someone and have a few good dates with someone who disappears for no good reason. I didn't want to continue after him, but I didn't have a choice.
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