Match.com Speed Dating Debacle

Tonight I was supposed to go speed dating- more like speed the fuck outta here.

It's been a few days since I've heard from the Cuban, so I decided to move on and go on this speed dating event that I signed up for a few weeks ago.

Now I've tried speed dating twice in my life- both were fruitless events. The first time I was in my early 20s and I dragged my best friend with me. I had romanticized the entire event in my mind before it even happened. In my mind I was supposed to meet several dashing, handsome, eligible bachelors and they would be fighting for my affection.

The reality was everyone was old AF or severely unattractive, so I decided to get liquored up and didn't take it very seriously. Fortunately I was seated next to my friend so after each guy left my table I would ask her if she remembered anything about him because we had to fill out these dumb response cards. I was definitely too young to participate in something like this.

My second experience with speed dating was when I was 30 and I was newly single. A work friend asked if I would go with her and of course I said yes even though I knew it would be lame. It was at BLT I think, we were all in the front bar. I walked in and immediately scoped out the situation and assessed the men. Once again the men were not my type. Everyone seemed either way too young or too old. There was one good looking guy there who worked at KIIS FM- so I knew he was a douche. Once again it was a fruitless effort.

So then why the fuck would I bother to give it a third try?? Because I am a fucking optimist! I thought that perhaps because it was hosted by Match.com that perhaps it would be a significantly better source of men- it said for people between 30-40 which is perfect because I am 35. So, ever the optimist, I got dressed up, did my hair and makeup- I looked fucking good! The "event" was at this gastro-pub type bar in Hollywood. So I never thought that it would be as lame as it was. 

Here's exactly how it went down- I walk into the bar and it's kind of old and dumpy looking- definitely not a modern gastro-pub by my standards. I looked all around and there was zero sign of any speed dating event whatsoever. I walked back outside and thought to myself "What the fuck?" I went back in and parked it at the bar and ordered a glass of wine. As I'm standing there I observe many awkward people walking in, and looking equally confused. First- an older Indian man wearing a suit. He clearly would not regularly go to a shitty bar like this so it's obvious he's there for the speed dating. So I think to myself "Oh fuck." Next a couple of older Asian women who didn't seem to speak English walked in- they too looked confused. So I knew they were there for the same thing. 

I knew what I was about to walk into. I waited a bit in hopes of seeing some confused good looking men. So at 7 pm I walk to the back of the bar where everyone else went. I walk into this ghetto back room, look at the older Indian man, the Asian women, an older Filipino woman, a middle aged potentially French man (based on his accent) and a skinny, nerdy, white younger looking guy. There is nothing about this situation that says "Fun Match.com Speed Dating Event." Everyone looked despondent and equally uncomfortable. So I walk in and scan the room and think "What the fuck?" I said "Is this the event?" with a clearly disappointed tone. 

The Frenchy guy said they were waiting for the host. A hot waiter walked in the room and said "We didn't know you were all going to be here- let us set up and get you some appetizers. Do you want me to move the tables together?" I think to myself "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" The Filipino woman and the Indian man were engaged in conversation. The two older Asian women were huddled together in a booth. The Frenchy and the scrawny white guy were sitting together at a table. At that moment I just thought "I don't want to be here." So I stood up and announced "This is really awkward- I'm going to the bar." 

I left the room and sat at the front bar and downed my glass of wine and called a Lyft. I was at the speed dating event for all of 5 minutes. It cost $39- so that's $7.80 per minute- definitely not worth it! So I went home, changed, and now I am writing this from a bar near my apartment. I'm worried because I signed up for a Match.com Mixology class next Friday. I am hoping at least the bartender is cute. 

El Cubano- Bachelor # ?

I met El Cubano on Match.com. Apparently I had liked one of his photos and he sent me a message.

I kept asking him questions and he'd respond but he wouldn't ask anything about me. So finally I asked him one last question and then said "is there anything you want to know about me?" To which he replied with "You can ask me anything." To which I replied "I just did."
S
So he finally he got the hint and he started asking me questions. So we messaged back and forth until I said "I don't want to risk becoming pen pals on here, here's my number" a text me and called me a few times and asked me on a date for a Sunday.

The date was incredible. He was handsome, a great conversationalist, handsome, sweet and confident. Everything I was looking for. After dinner we walked around and talked for hours. It was a great night, and he was a great kisser. He even asked me out for another date in person.

We were supposed to go out on a Thursday night. That day he had said how excited he was to see me. I was equally excited to see him. Two hours before our date he text me to say he was throwing up and wouldn't be able to go out but he would make it up to me. He even asked if he could call me and I said of course. Did he ever call? Nope. The next day he apologized and said he fell asleep early because he wasn't feeling well. Of course I excused him. By Saturday he asked me out for Monday. Monday rolls around and again he tells me he's excited to see me. As I was walking out of work he texts me to say that his son's mom wouldn't be getting out of work until 9pm and that he wouldn't be able to make our date (again). He said he was sorry. Sorry my ass.

So I said to him that I understood that things came up but it felt a bit frequent.If this was a bad time for him to date then I would like to know. The next day he replied with "Hi I hope your day is going well. Sorry for the late reply. The situations did come up, I didn't make them occur. I'd like to get to know you as well. We can talk about it on the phone. I'm afraid that intent and tone will be lost through text. So I said "I understand. We can talk later. Enjoy the rest of your day!"

That evening, he said at 7:44 pm "Hi how's it going? Are you busy?" I was at dinner with my friend and at 8:30 I replied "Hi I'm leaving dinner with my friend and I have to drop her off. I'll be home around 9."

I did not hear a fucking thing from him. I waited a full day until I reached out again to him. I said "Hi. I just wanted to say hello and hope you're having a good week." But he didn't say a fucking thing to me. I assume the black hole of dating sucked him up, that or his baby mama murdered him in his sleep.