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It's been a few days since I've heard from the Cuban, so I decided to move on and go on this speed dating event that I signed up for a few weeks ago.
Now I've tried speed dating twice in my life- both were fruitless events. The first time I was in my early 20s and I dragged my best friend with me. I had romanticized the entire event in my mind before it even happened. In my mind I was supposed to meet several dashing, handsome, eligible bachelors and they would be fighting for my affection.
The reality was everyone was old AF or severely unattractive, so I decided to get liquored up and didn't take it very seriously. Fortunately I was seated next to my friend so after each guy left my table I would ask her if she remembered anything about him because we had to fill out these dumb response cards. I was definitely too young to participate in something like this.
My second experience with speed dating was when I was 30 and I was newly single. A work friend asked if I would go with her and of course I said yes even though I knew it would be lame. It was at BLT I think, we were all in the front bar. I walked in and immediately scoped out the situation and assessed the men. Once again the men were not my type. Everyone seemed either way too young or too old. There was one good looking guy there who worked at KIIS FM- so I knew he was a douche. Once again it was a fruitless effort.
So then why the fuck would I bother to give it a third try?? Because I am a fucking optimist! I thought that perhaps because it was hosted by Match.com that perhaps it would be a significantly better source of men- it said for people between 30-40 which is perfect because I am 35. So, ever the optimist, I got dressed up, did my hair and makeup- I looked fucking good! The "event" was at this gastro-pub type bar in Hollywood. So I never thought that it would be as lame as it was.
Here's exactly how it went down- I walk into the bar and it's kind of old and dumpy looking- definitely not a modern gastro-pub by my standards. I looked all around and there was zero sign of any speed dating event whatsoever. I walked back outside and thought to myself "What the fuck?" I went back in and parked it at the bar and ordered a glass of wine. As I'm standing there I observe many awkward people walking in, and looking equally confused. First- an older Indian man wearing a suit. He clearly would not regularly go to a shitty bar like this so it's obvious he's there for the speed dating. So I think to myself "Oh fuck." Next a couple of older Asian women who didn't seem to speak English walked in- they too looked confused. So I knew they were there for the same thing.
I knew what I was about to walk into. I waited a bit in hopes of seeing some confused good looking men. So at 7 pm I walk to the back of the bar where everyone else went. I walk into this ghetto back room, look at the older Indian man, the Asian women, an older Filipino woman, a middle aged potentially French man (based on his accent) and a skinny, nerdy, white younger looking guy. There is nothing about this situation that says "Fun Match.com Speed Dating Event." Everyone looked despondent and equally uncomfortable. So I walk in and scan the room and think "What the fuck?" I said "Is this the event?" with a clearly disappointed tone.
The Frenchy guy said they were waiting for the host. A hot waiter walked in the room and said "We didn't know you were all going to be here- let us set up and get you some appetizers. Do you want me to move the tables together?" I think to myself "You've got to be fucking kidding me!" The Filipino woman and the Indian man were engaged in conversation. The two older Asian women were huddled together in a booth. The Frenchy and the scrawny white guy were sitting together at a table. At that moment I just thought "I don't want to be here." So I stood up and announced "This is really awkward- I'm going to the bar."
I left the room and sat at the front bar and downed my glass of wine and called a Lyft. I was at the speed dating event for all of 5 minutes. It cost $39- so that's $7.80 per minute- definitely not worth it! So I went home, changed, and now I am writing this from a bar near my apartment. I'm worried because I signed up for a Match.com Mixology class next Friday. I am hoping at least the bartender is cute.
