For nearly six years I have immersed myself in the world of online dating, in the hopes of meeting a great guy and getting my happily ever after, as cheesy as it sounds. I started with excitement, enthusiasm and optimism. I made a shit ton of bad decisions, mistakes, and went out with really good looking guys who were stupid or lame or didn't have much to offer. I was having fun with the process and was addicted to the endless supply of men and the endless possibilities. Sadly, many years later, I am no longer having any fun, so I know it is time to "retire" from online dating, permanently.
I started writing about my experiences so that perhaps other women wouldn't feel so bad about their difficulty navigating the dating world and wouldn't feel so alone. Dating, when all of your friends are married or in serious long term relationships, is a lonely experience because they can't relate to you. They ask about your dating life, expecting to hear fun, sexy, adventurous stories- and maybe some of you have them. I've had a few, I'll admit. But for the most part, it's an unpleasant, painful, disappointing and disheartening experience- and your friends can't relate to you because they aren't in the battlefield any more and they most likely found their person before Tinder was invented.
Dating isn't dating anymore; dating now is swiping, texting, hooking up, being non-committal and flaky, ghosting... I could go on but you get the point. There is no more courtship or investment, there is no more getting to know someone on a deeper level, there is no more alignment on values or dreams for the future. God forbid you should ask your date if they want to get married or have kids in the future! That's just way too much pressure....
The disintegration of dating and of common courtesy when it comes to these matters is, in my opinion, due to the creation of online dating; primarily these swiping apps. Dating was still pretty fun when Match.com was first created, because people on that site were serious and it wasn't all about hooking up with someone instantaneously. You took the time to get to know someone before you met in person, because back then online dating was taboo and there was a real risk that the person you were about to meet could be a serial killer. Now we have shitty apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge where you just care about matching with as many people as possible and don't ever bother to establish contact with them. It's all just an ego boost.
I've taken breaks from online dating throughout the last six years, but I always went back to it because of that fear of "what if." What if I try one more time, maybe it'll be different. What if I am more discerning about who I swipe right on? There's always that fear of "if I don't try it'll never happen." Reality check, I tried. I fucking tried harder than any single woman I know and it STILL didn't happen.
I was afraid for a long time that if I didn't do online dating and didn't put myself out there that I was going to end up a sad, single spinster. I've realized though, that my life as a single woman is way more fun than when I am dating any of these jerks. I've traveled the world, I have a ton of hobbies, I have a great career, wonderful friends, an amazing family and a beautiful nephew that fills my heart with more love than any man could give me. My life is full, and if I eventually meet a guy who meets my standards and can contribute meaningfully to my awesome life, then great. If that doesn't happen I honestly don't care anymore, because I create the life I want. I want a family of my own and I will have it, with or without that husband I dreamed of.
For those of you who still want to stick it out and give online dating a chance, I say good luck to you. Just don't do it because you're afraid of ending up alone, that's never a good reason to do anything. And don't lower your standard for someone who will never be able to meet yours.
Good luck and God speed!
xoxo
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